Bessie D’Cow

What’s With The Cow In An Apartment?

Simple.

Stella and I were thinking about moving from our high set Queenslander in Stratford.  I thought a few hectares in the country would be nice. Perhaps a couple of farm animals.

Stella, however, thought a city apartment would be nice.

We compromised. 🙂

Also, I felt a bit lonely after selling Fritz The Kombi. Bessie D’Cow filled a gap. 

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Mobility, Stability & Service With A Scowl

Bessie is as big as, err… a cow. Cows are top-heavy. Even though cows that live in paddocks don’t tend to tip over, fibreglass cows standing on a breezy balcony do. Also, Bessie weighs 45kg - moving her from one spot to another was a bit cumbersome. I had an idea…

I went to a local steel distributor and fronted-up to the counter. The big burly bloke behind the counter did not like the look of me. I was the only man there not wearing a blue singlet or a Hi Vis work shirt. I tend to wear shirts that are more, umm, theatrical than industrial (examples here). Anyway, the big burly bloke (let’s call him BBB from now on) decided, just by the look of me, that I might be in the wrong place. “Do you know what you want yet mate?”, he growled. “Yep. Steel.”, I chirped smilingly. “What gauge steel?”, barked BBB. “I don’t know“, said I. BBB pushed his chair back from his desk, and - using the best skills from his TAFE Customer Engagement course - snarled, “If you don’t fucking know what you fucking want don’t fucking come here and waste my fucking time!”

He did not know that I’m a nurse and well-accustomed to being addressed with that level of respect. Unfazed I said, “I know how long and wide the steel should be, and I know how much it needs to weigh. I was hoping you would have the know-how to tell me what gauge it should be.” BBB grunted and grabbed a pencil: “Well?” Feeling a bit smug I told him, “650mm by 1600mm, and it will need to weigh 45kg. And a set of drilled holes using this pattern [producing a piece of paper from my pocket] in each corner.” My manliest moment. 

BBB tinkered away silently for a few minutes using pencil and paper mostly, but also a calculator, info in a three-ring folder, and a computer. He seemed to be careful with his calculations. When he was satisfied with his maths BBB looked up and announced that 6 gauge steel would weigh just over 45kg. I thanked him, placed the order and paid the deposit. Impressed by my clear specifications and his own calculations BBB had thawed. He was actually quite friendly when he asked what the steel was for. “I’m going to bolt on four wheels, cover it with fake grass, and glue a cow to it.” I told him. BBB pushed his chair back from his desk again, glared at me and muttered, “Fucking wanker.” in the spot in conversation where “Thank you. Have a nice day.” is meant to go.

That’s how Bessie D’Cow lowered her centre of gravity and became mobile and stabile. It was also a terrific lesson in customer service. 🙂

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Cairns Coolest Cow

As you probably noticed with the pics above, Bessie D’Cow is very photogenic and much-loved. Bessie attracted more visitors to our home than Stella and I ever could have managed alone. People weren’t even subtle about it. When we encountered friends-of-friends they‘d be like, “Oh - you’re the cow people. Can we come to your place to get some photos?” 

Come to FNQ for the reef, the rainforest, the weather and the cow. Especially the cow. 

Is it fair to say that Bessie is Cairns‘ coolest cow? Yes. Yes it is.

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Mooving Forward

If the bank stops dicking us about we will be downsizing in a few weeks. The new place is squishy compared to our current place - there is barely enough room for two humans, let alone a cow. So it’s time for Bessie D’Cow to moove on. 

Bessie will have a new home in the Cairns suburbs living with Sally, an art teacher. This will be a new and exciting time in Bessie’s life. If you’re interested in how she goes, become friends with Bessie D’Cow on Facebook: www.facebook.com/bessie.dcow.1

Maybe Bessie D’Cow will become as fancy as a CowParade cow one day. 🙂

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